lemon meringue

she died the day she called me nancy
when she introduced me as her niece
but she looked a bit unsure at first
its not like she didn't remember my face
i had seen her just weeks before and it hadn't changed
my hair color, sure, but not my face
who is nancy anyway?
you don't even have a niece

her life was telling stories
sharing potato salad and pies
she made the best pies, any pie you could dream of
but she knew i always wanted lemon meringue
how many pies will it take to bring you back?
i take you a pie every time i visit
hoping for a glimpse at a smile
for you to just remember how it used to be
and if for only one bite
you would remember my name

until now

the last 1,097 nights were spent empty

forgotten and forgetting

feed me your toxic intoxicating breath but don't get close I will SNAP your head off

and then smile as if nothing ever happened

the last 1,097 nights i have suffered and sacrificed, lusted and loathed 

every panting breath that has laid awake 

next to my emotionless existence 

you should probably go, i have to work in the morning

the last 6 nights i have melted and moaned, fluttered and blushed 

every time your crooked smile appeared

the way your eyes light up at mine and how you listen

oh and you really listen 

not just for your turn to talk

you want to know my story and you hold on to the pieces of my broken past
you cradle my soul 

rocking it back and forth to a not so scary future

you could be my future, and not just a piece of it you could have all of me

i could give myself to you completely and not just for a few days

the last 435 nights i had spent thinking you weren't right for me
we would just be great friends
i wanted someone who had their shit together and who would take life more seriously
but my favorite part about you is that you can laugh at everything
you get me to laugh at myself when i fuck up, and i am ALWAYS my worst critic
the worst days are turned into the funniest stories
and we have SO many stories
you make the world into a big joke and i just want to laugh at it with you

walls

walls..

never stop expanding.. only growing stronger..

the past is ripping me between fiction and fire..

blinded by your eyes, I will never see truth….

what once was life has become the promise of a painful end.. one which had been forced into fog..

I remember being alive.. what is left from shadows of a forgotten life.. yet to be buried but still left in the ground….

I tore the light from my soul.. when I reached out, my trembling hands.. you walked away..